Anxious, nervous, nerves

I have never been so nervous for anything in my life. I think I would rather run a cross country race than go to school next week. (For those of you that know me, that is a big deal.) I can play in games in front of hundreds of people, I can run in races where I push myself to a new level physically but when it comes to going to college my mind just says no. Every time I think about school, the knot that is in my stomach grows. I don't know what it is. I'm not moving out. I'm not taking anything extremely hard. I don't know if it is the money or the thought of growing up, or maybe both. But I cannot seem to get myself to get over the nervousness.

I don't think I will get over it until I actually go to school and get in the swing of things. Everyone says "its just one step up from high school", but it feels like a million steps up from high school. I know I am a little scared to not know anyone. In reality, I think I'm more scared to not be known, if that makes any sense. Its not like anyone and everyone knew me in high school, but I did know a lot of people and I had a lot of friends. I never went to a class and had "no one" to sit by. I always had one or two people that I was friends with and I could talk to. That is not going to be the case at college.

I also have this fear of the unknown. I freak out when I go somewhere or do something and I don't know exactly what is going on. It was so easy at Murray because I always knew what was going on and if I didn't, I just had to text someone and ask. I don't know what is going to be happening at SLCC. I'm pretty sure this is what frightens me most. As I think about my future in college and just life in general the unknown is what scares me most. I am trying to change my mindset because I know that the unknown can also bring great surprises and adventures. So  here I am, literally arguing with myself about college.  I know it is going to be fine and I'm trying to be excited because I know it will bring great things into my life. Then I have this part of me that is telling my brain about how everything could go wrong, how I am going to get yelled at, walk into the wrong class, be told that my class section was cancelled and they forgot to let me know, or the worst thing that could happen, somehow they decide to charge me more money than what I'm already expecting. Yes, I know that most of these are very unlikely but I don't know how to get them out of my brain.

Right now I keep talking to my siblings that are in college and they are trying to calm me down.  I'm praying often to have The Spirit with me as I go to college. I know I have my Heavenly Father on my side and that is why I know everything will work out.

"The only real difference between anxiety and excitement was my willingness to let go of fear"- Barbra Brown Taylor

Stay tuned for my college adventures.