That Time When I Played High School Softball

I've played softball for around 12 years but if you include running around the bases at a baseball field after my brothers games, it's been as long as I could walk. Softball has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. Since I was eight years old my summers were filled with dirty uniforms, crazy tan lines, and softball games after softball games. There were some summers when I had a tournament almost every weekend. Obviously softball was a huge part of my life, a huge part of me.

Ever since I was 11 years old I dreamed of playing on the Murray High School softball team. I remember going to the games and thinking that the players were superstars. I couldn't wait for the day that I got to wear the orange and black uniforms.

These exact uniforms. This is what I looked forward to. 

My freshman year, I made the team and I could not have been more excited. We started playing and had a pretty solid season. This year started a whole new journey in my life. Softball has always been my pride and joy, since I was six years old. Then something happened, I didn't play as much as I wanted. I played all of JV but I only ran the bases in the varsity games. I actually didn't play all that much until my senior year. Some people might say that I improved a ton through my high school years, but that wasn't really the case. I just needed to be more bold and confident in my abilities on the field.  High school softball taught me so much because I learned that even when you think you deserve something, you may not get it because that decision is not yours to make.

Since I didn't play much my first couple of years, it actually made me reconsider my self worth. This was hard for me to go through. It took me through a horrible roller coaster ride of me constantly asking myself if I was good enough, and not just at softball but at life. I know that sounds dramatic but its true. I let my softball playing time define me. Now that I look back on it, I'm  positive that the people that truly care about me didn't think less of me because I didn't play, but I sure did. I felt like I had let my family down (they actually didn't care that I played less), but most of all I felt like I let my younger self down.  I now know I didn't let myself down, my plan for myself just changed. As a kid, I always told myself I would be playing college softball. Could I be playing college softball next year? Yes. I'm not going to and that is my decision.  I am going to go to college to receive an education and somehow impact this world in a positive way. I want to serve a full time mission and spread the gospel to children of God. I'm not sure I would be able to do these things and play college sports. I'm sure it can be done but it just isn't the path for me. It wasn't until I realized this completely did I start to get the amount of playing time I wanted. Some people may call this a coincidence but I really think it was a way for my Heavenly Father to tell me that He had a different but equally amazing plan in store for me. 

 I could probably write four blog posts about everything softball has taught me but I won't bore you to death.  I just wanted to thank everyone who was apart of this experience for me. All of my coaches, teammates, any fans that came and supported me, and my family. I cannot think of a single game where I didn't have at least one family member there to watch me play. I am so incredibly thankful for this opportunity and wouldn't trade it for anything. I have grown as an athlete and as person because of this sport and everyone involved with it but most of all it has helped my relationship with my Father in Heaven.

 Thanks for reading, and yes I was safe. ;)