First day of College

I have officially started college. It isn't as horrible as I thought it would be.   On my first day I got to my first class super early abecasue I was paranoid that I was going to be late or not be able to find my class. I was sitting there by myself and a guy I had a classs with my senior year walked into my class.  We kind of new each other so he sat by me and we talked for a little. It was so comforting knowing that I somewhat knew someone in my class. We don't talk much but we sit by each other every day becasuse we both wanted familarity.  I went to my next class and sat alone and didn't talk to anyone which actually isn't the worse thing ever! I was on my way to biology and I see a freind who I played softball since I was eight all the way until my senior year of high school. We talked and we discovered that we were in the same biology class! I was so excited and relieved. This class is suppose to be my hardest class and it is so nice to have someone i know that I can go over all the material with. In between my biology and religion class I normally have institute but that didn't start until the second week, so I met up with one of my friends and we went to one of the buildings to hang out. We ran into one of my friends who I have known all my life. We talked with here when we figured out that we have institute and world religions together. It was so crazy but made me extremely happy and really calmed me down about school.

Rewind to the night before my first day of college. I was still feeling so nervous. I decided I needed to ask my Dad for a blessing. This was something that was really hard for me for some reason. Satan. Satan made me believe my Dad wouldn't want to give me a blessing. I am so thankful i got the courage to ask because it changed my whole perspective on school. At the end of that blessing I knew I could go to school and be perfectly fine. I felt so calm and I even felt a little excited. My nerves and anxiousness immediately when to tranquility and excitement. I know this was the Spirit of God telling me He loves me and He is watching over me. I am so thankful my Dad holds the preisthood and is willing to use it to help others. The preisthood is such a wonderful gift we all have accesss to. The preisthood is truly a gift from our Father in Heaven.

Anxious, nervous, nerves

I have never been so nervous for anything in my life. I think I would rather run a cross country race than go to school next week. (For those of you that know me, that is a big deal.) I can play in games in front of hundreds of people, I can run in races where I push myself to a new level physically but when it comes to going to college my mind just says no. Every time I think about school, the knot that is in my stomach grows. I don't know what it is. I'm not moving out. I'm not taking anything extremely hard. I don't know if it is the money or the thought of growing up, or maybe both. But I cannot seem to get myself to get over the nervousness.

I don't think I will get over it until I actually go to school and get in the swing of things. Everyone says "its just one step up from high school", but it feels like a million steps up from high school. I know I am a little scared to not know anyone. In reality, I think I'm more scared to not be known, if that makes any sense. Its not like anyone and everyone knew me in high school, but I did know a lot of people and I had a lot of friends. I never went to a class and had "no one" to sit by. I always had one or two people that I was friends with and I could talk to. That is not going to be the case at college.

I also have this fear of the unknown. I freak out when I go somewhere or do something and I don't know exactly what is going on. It was so easy at Murray because I always knew what was going on and if I didn't, I just had to text someone and ask. I don't know what is going to be happening at SLCC. I'm pretty sure this is what frightens me most. As I think about my future in college and just life in general the unknown is what scares me most. I am trying to change my mindset because I know that the unknown can also bring great surprises and adventures. So  here I am, literally arguing with myself about college.  I know it is going to be fine and I'm trying to be excited because I know it will bring great things into my life. Then I have this part of me that is telling my brain about how everything could go wrong, how I am going to get yelled at, walk into the wrong class, be told that my class section was cancelled and they forgot to let me know, or the worst thing that could happen, somehow they decide to charge me more money than what I'm already expecting. Yes, I know that most of these are very unlikely but I don't know how to get them out of my brain.

Right now I keep talking to my siblings that are in college and they are trying to calm me down.  I'm praying often to have The Spirit with me as I go to college. I know I have my Heavenly Father on my side and that is why I know everything will work out.

"The only real difference between anxiety and excitement was my willingness to let go of fear"- Barbra Brown Taylor

Stay tuned for my college adventures.

Failing Forward

 Imagine someone is trying to walk down a long and narrow road. Everytime they attempt to take a step forward they fall to their hands and knees. Since they are falling, they are failng. Since they are falling to their hand and knees they are falling forward and making progress. Isn't that weird to think about? They could be falling with every step, but as long as they keep falling forward, getting up, and falling forward again they are making progress.

Isn't this like life? The first thing I thought of when I thought aobut this was, this is how I should be when trying to be like Christ. I may fail but I need to be failing in the right direction. Progress is essential in this life and this is the way that I often find myself progressing. It is slow and painful and it doesn't feel like I am making progress but after many fails and falls, I look back and realize that I have come further than I ever thought I would.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that this is prevelant in every aspect of my life. Being a better employee, a better friend, a better sister, a better servant of the Lord, and a better daughter. I am constantly trying to become a better daughter to my parents here on this earth, and to my Heavenly parents. I know its hard to be my parent, but I wake up every morning with the intent to become a better person so I can make all of my parent's job a little bit easier. Do I succeed? I'm sure trying. Its a process that takes a long time and it includes lots of failing. Thankfully, my Heavenly Father is helping me fall in the right direction.

A key part to this whole thing is getting back up. Falling forward is great but as soon as we choose to stay on the ground, that halts our progression. I will admit, occasionally I will stay on that hard ground longer than I should but so far in my life I have gotten up every time and tried to stay on my feet a little bit longer than I did the last time. Everytime I have chosen to get up, I was not by myself. I know Jesus Christ was with me, extending his hand to help me get up, or sometimes He had to pick me up and place me on my feet in the right direction.

I am so thankful to those that have been with me while I fail. Many of the people in my life have been angels sent from my Father in heaven to pick me up and navigate me back on track.

The question I've been asked a lot lately  is "What are you up to? What are you planning to do with your life?" Right now my answer is, I'm just going to try and fail forward.

Trek 2k16 Featuring "The Donner Party"

Ten years ago or two treks ago for my stake, my two oldest brothers came back from trek. I remember sitting in our family room and they came back filthy. Then they began to inform me that they were starved and then given a piece of bread and some broth. This scared me more than anything. This made me not want to go on trek. Why would I want to go starve myself? No, don't sign me up for that. The next trek my stake went on, my parents, brother, and sister all went on. The came back with amazing reviews. They said the food was great and they all had a great time. They all loved their trek families. I was so so excited to get assigned a family, and my trek family was wonderful. I was assigned to great parents, Elvis and Stretch. (Those were the names they chose to be called on trek). They took great care of me and the rest of my family and treated us just like their own kids. We decided to call ourselves "The Donner Party".  If anyone commented on our name we would respond with "Would you like to join us for dinner?", "there is always room for one more", and "you look divine tonight". It was really great and super humorous because we are funny people.

(Thanks Desirae for the all the awesome pictures!)

My awesome trek ma and I

Tug of War gets pretty intense

When it was my turn to go on trek, I was really excited. I knew we would be fed well because the church got rid of the starving thing and my parents were in charge of the food. They had my back, it was great. was pumped to go because physical labor is kind of my thing. I like moving heavy objects, sweat, work out, and feel the spirit. Trek is somewhere that you get to do all of those things. Well I was in for quite a treat. I struggled with the physical part of trek more than I thought I would. It really humbled me. I have no idea how the pioneers did it. Constantly wearing down their bodies, pushing handcarts, and then getting up the next morning just to do it again. That seems a little crazy to me. Like I said, this part of trek really humbled me.

Something else that really got me thinking was, WE HAD NO IDEA WHEN WERE GOING TO STOP. The missionaries and some leaders knew what was going on but I couldn't keep track of how far we had gone or how long we had been going. I never knew how much further we had and that drove me absolutely crazy. If I could have known when we were going to stop, I could have paced myself better and not constantly wondered when we were going to be done and eat dinner. As I was complaining to myself on the first day about this, I realized that the pioneers didn't know where they were going, when they were going to stop, or how much longer they were going to be traveling. Despite the fact that they had no clue when they would get to stop and settle in, they kept going because they KNEW it was right. Their faith was incredible. We walked around six miles a day and that was plenty for me. I have no idea how they walked, pulled, and pushed for miles and miles with no actual destination in mind. Every time I think about this I get a little bit more amazed. I seriously cannot wrap my mind around the trials my pioneer ancestors had to endure to make it to Utah. I am so thankful they had the faith and courage to follow the spirit and establish Salt Lake City. I will be forever thankful for the opportunity to go on trek and get a tiny glimpse of what the early saints had to go through just to worship what they wanted to without being tormented. I hope to have faith and a testimony as strong as the pioneers did. Thinking about the pioneers and their travels ansewres so many questions in my mind about this gospel. It must be true if people were willing to do what the pioneers did just because they wanted to live the gospel. It must be true. It is true.

Yes this is my shoe and I can do hard things. Yes I did need to think about this a few times on trek.

That Time When I Went To High School

Alright so that was crazy, I blinked and my senior year was over and I was walking across the stage to graduate. WEIRD. It feels like yesterday that I was writing my "Last First Day of School Post". In that post I said that my first day of school went smooth and I remember while I was writing that I said a little prayer asking for all of my days to go like that. I promise you they did not. Don't get me wrong, my senior year included lots of great days but it also included days that involved mental break downs and lots of tears.

Through all the bad days and all the good days I learned so much through my senior year. I learned academic stuff,  that I love chic fil a too much, but most of all I learned that I have so many people in my life that love and support me. I made so many new friends and strengthened friendships that I already had. I look back on my senior year and I think about everything and I realize that everything happened for a reason.

My senior year brought so many lasts and honestly, a lot of them made me super sad. I tried to act like I was fine but they hurt. They hurt me just like they hurt everyone else. I had to look around and tell myself that I was not the only one going through this. I am not the only one that is growing up. I am also not the only person that has had to do this.  That is part of how I got through my senior year, looking around at all the amazing examples I have in my life and telling myself I could do it because they did and they all turned out great.

 I took early morning seminary because I'm kind of crazy and I loved every second of it. I made so many friends and got to start my day with feeling The Spirit. Taking early morning is definitely one of the best choices I have ever made. I met so many amazing people that have changed my life forever.  I owe a lot of the great days during my senior year to my early morning class and my seminary teacher.

If my kids are reading this, remember you can do hard things. That includes high school. It is a weird kind of hard that feels like it shouldn't be hard but it is. I promise you can do it if you put yourself in the right situation. Surround yourself with great friends, great values, and a great testimony.

Some of you may ask what is next for me in life. Well that is college for a year and then a mission. After that I have a pretty solid idea what I what to do but nothing is set in stone. Thank you to all that helped me get through this chapter in my life.You guys are great.

Also, here are some graduation pics.

That Time When I Played High School Softball

I've played softball for around 12 years but if you include running around the bases at a baseball field after my brothers games, it's been as long as I could walk. Softball has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. Since I was eight years old my summers were filled with dirty uniforms, crazy tan lines, and softball games after softball games. There were some summers when I had a tournament almost every weekend. Obviously softball was a huge part of my life, a huge part of me.

Ever since I was 11 years old I dreamed of playing on the Murray High School softball team. I remember going to the games and thinking that the players were superstars. I couldn't wait for the day that I got to wear the orange and black uniforms.

These exact uniforms. This is what I looked forward to. 

My freshman year, I made the team and I could not have been more excited. We started playing and had a pretty solid season. This year started a whole new journey in my life. Softball has always been my pride and joy, since I was six years old. Then something happened, I didn't play as much as I wanted. I played all of JV but I only ran the bases in the varsity games. I actually didn't play all that much until my senior year. Some people might say that I improved a ton through my high school years, but that wasn't really the case. I just needed to be more bold and confident in my abilities on the field.  High school softball taught me so much because I learned that even when you think you deserve something, you may not get it because that decision is not yours to make.

Since I didn't play much my first couple of years, it actually made me reconsider my self worth. This was hard for me to go through. It took me through a horrible roller coaster ride of me constantly asking myself if I was good enough, and not just at softball but at life. I know that sounds dramatic but its true. I let my softball playing time define me. Now that I look back on it, I'm  positive that the people that truly care about me didn't think less of me because I didn't play, but I sure did. I felt like I had let my family down (they actually didn't care that I played less), but most of all I felt like I let my younger self down.  I now know I didn't let myself down, my plan for myself just changed. As a kid, I always told myself I would be playing college softball. Could I be playing college softball next year? Yes. I'm not going to and that is my decision.  I am going to go to college to receive an education and somehow impact this world in a positive way. I want to serve a full time mission and spread the gospel to children of God. I'm not sure I would be able to do these things and play college sports. I'm sure it can be done but it just isn't the path for me. It wasn't until I realized this completely did I start to get the amount of playing time I wanted. Some people may call this a coincidence but I really think it was a way for my Heavenly Father to tell me that He had a different but equally amazing plan in store for me. 

 I could probably write four blog posts about everything softball has taught me but I won't bore you to death.  I just wanted to thank everyone who was apart of this experience for me. All of my coaches, teammates, any fans that came and supported me, and my family. I cannot think of a single game where I didn't have at least one family member there to watch me play. I am so incredibly thankful for this opportunity and wouldn't trade it for anything. I have grown as an athlete and as person because of this sport and everyone involved with it but most of all it has helped my relationship with my Father in Heaven.

 Thanks for reading, and yes I was safe. ;)

I'm Strong. I'm Capable. I'm Talented.

Holy cow. Its been a while. I've been wanting to write this for a while but I've been going a million miles a minute with zero time to sit down at a computer and do something that isn't school related.

 About a month ago I was at softball practice and we watched this motivational video and had a discussion about motivation, fear, passion, and confidence. I love talking about these topics and so when we started the discussion, I listened intently and soaked up everything that was said. Different people brought up many great points, but my favorite thing that was said was mentioned by one of my coaches. She said we need to look at ourselves with confidence and every morning when we wake up and before we go to bed say to ourselves: "I'm smart, capable, and talented."

When she said this, I really thought about it and took it to heart. I started that night by telling myself  "I'm smart, capable, and talented" right before I went to bed. When I woke up the next morning the five word phrase was the first thought through my mind. It came to me again right before I started my math test, and again before I started a tough assignment for school.  

I started doing saying this before I did anything that could possibly make me doubt my self confidence. Then I was in playing a softball game, approaching home plate and I whispered the words "I'm strong, capable, and talented."
This phrase has stuck with me and given me the little bit of extra courage to do hard things and to get through the past month. I believe it a little more each time I say it too. I have realized that each and every one of us has our own strengths and talents. It has come to me that we are all capable of accomplishing countless amazing tasks in this life. It gives me self confidence and the reminder that my Heavenly Father blessed me with strength, talents, and so much more. So please remember that each one of us have been blessed with talents to do amazing things in this life.
 I’m Strong. I’m Capable. I’m Talented.